I’m a published author. I have written a book, a difficult feat in and of itself, and it is published. The reviews were all overwhelmingly positive (save for the handful of no-review, one-star ratings from Goodreads trolls). I made my sister cry as she read it. Overall, I consider that a success. And yet, I still cower away from the accomplishment.
I chose to write under a pen name. At the time, it was a pretty simple decision to make, given my continuing career in the corporate world and the fact that everyone spells my first name incorrectly. A pen name has its advantages, but it also has one major disadvantage: My writing life and my “real” life are (almost) completely separate, and I’m struggling to integrate them.
Have I posted about my book on my personal Facebook page? NOPE.
Have I let my mother brag about my book to her friends? Not on Facebook, at least.
When I attended a wedding right after I published Battle Hymns, did I tell any of my husband’s friends about it, even when they asked what was happening in my life? Certainly not.
I find I still harbor massive insecurities about my abilities as a writer, and I’m hiding behind the pen name. I don’t want my literary snob acquaintances to ask, “Who published you?” when the answer is, “Myself.” In reality, they probably wouldn’t even care, but I would think they did.
And that is my current struggle. I fear I’m not a legitimate writer, so I don’t act like one, and it becomes a never-ending circle of doubt.
But on a more positive note, I know I’m not alone in this struggle. So thank you all for your kind words and encouragement! 🙂